Maybe it's that time of the year again. I remember it even clearer with the weather getting warmer and the humid air from the open windows. I remember the pain and confusion. The pleasure and warm from it all. The lonely comforting feeling I had when I was with her around this time. The ache the came after during the summer. The tears that followed. And then the sudden rainy night...It hits me. Just another night with my memories. Tonight makes me feel like 2010 never happened. And I'm still stuck repeating 2009. My gf asked me if I ever had lingering feelings or have them now. I told her I don't have them anymore as calmly as I could to avoid the guilty hesitation. I did, but not as strong as it use to be. After some time when she went out and I sat at home watching my CSI:Miami, I suddenly had the Hero song by Enrique Inglesias in my head, except I wanted to hear the orchestra version( or at least attempt to find it since it sounds like one of those songs you would hear a symphony play). Still no one knows who this song reminds me of. I rarely listen to this song because it does. And listening to it today made me think of her. Maybe she came up b/c my gf asked if I ever had lingering feelings. She was it. I know we're friends now and I'm not that much of one to her. But for some reason she sticks around. To some extent if I'm not wrong, there's an undeniable tension between us. How apparent it gets, it varies. Maybe because we had history and one of the few if not the only that is still here for this long. Whether or not we'll actually date is up in the air, but for sure right now it's a no. I can't bring myself to say I would. I can't bring myself to say I'm gonna actually last with this one I have either... How right we are for each other I'm still trying to understand as we go. But right now, it's running its course. |